Becoming a Big Girl

Brianna had a "big girl" moment tonight and it made me realize just how completely not ready I am for her to assert her independence.  Part of our bedtime ritual has always been bedtime snacks, followed by cuddling, singing and rocking until she falls asleep.  Its more for me than for her, but until tonight, she always wanted to be rocked to sleep.  The last few nights, I've seen this coming but didn't want to acknowledge it but tonight, I had to.  My sweet baby girl didn't want to be rocked to sleep.  She wanted to go to sleep in her crib on her own like a big girl.  Okay, maybe I'm giving her more credit than is due, but here was the gist of the "conversation".  It seemed pretty obvious to me that this was what she wanted.

Brianna: pushing away from mommy, fussing and pointing to her crib
Mama: "do you want to lay in your crib and go night-night"
Brianna: points to her crib again with a noise that usually means yes
Mama: "are you ready to go night-night" and stands up to walk to the crib
Brianna: lays her head on my shoulder, pats my back, then raises up and points to her crib again

So, I gave her a kiss, laid her on her tummy and covered her up, stroked her head and told her I loved her and Night-Night, then I walked out and closed the door to her room.  I stood outside, just waiting for her to make any sound of protest but nothing.  All I heard was the shuffling of covers as she settled herself into a more comfortable position, then quiet.  Such a big girl thing for her to do!  And I'm sitting her fighting back a few tears because I'm not ready to give this up.  It means she's growing up and becoming independent and doesn't need me as much, which I know is all well, good and normal.  This is what is supposed to happen if I've done my job when it comes to teaching her good sleep habits.  I just wasn't expecting it is all.  So while there will still be nights of holding a sleeping, peaceful baby in my arms, there will probably be more nights like tonight, which will take more getting used to for me than for her.