Why All The Questions?

Okay, this topic I'm getting ready to post about has been rattling around in my head for a few weeks now and just begging to be put on paper. Its annoyed me, angered me, been blown off or simply ignored and it just won't let me rest any longer until I get a few thoughts and questions out in the open.

The question is "When are you going to stop breastfeeding?".

For those of you who find this topic uncomfortable ... please feel free to quit reading. I completely understand. This is a long post about a sensitive topic so if you don't want to know my thoughts on it, that's fine with me.

First, let me clarify a bit. I've been asked this exact question, or a variation of, by friends, family, co-workers and strangers alike. Its been asked with anything from genuine curiosity to almost rudeness. I know some that have asked are really trying to understand my decision and determine if its one they want to make for themselves. To those individuals, I am more than happy to answer your questions so ask away. To the rest of you, what gives? Why do you feel the need to randomly ask me if I'm still nursing and just *how much longer* am I going to do this? Would you ask a mother that's chosen to bottle-feed her child how much longer she's going to do that? I doubt it.

Justin suggested that maybe people ask because they're slightly amazed that a working, traveling mother has managed to successfully nurse her child as long as I have. I know there are days that I'm surprised myself and give myself a mental pat on the back for it. Trust me, every time that TSA agent has to manually scan every back of milk I'm bringing thru security, I think about it myself, particularly the time it almost made me miss a flight home! I was literally running barefoot through the airport to make my flight...not an experience I want to repeat! And yes, I did make it.

He's also suggested its the culture we live in and that, as Americans, its just not as accepted compared to say, Europe, where the standard practice is to nurse until the second birthday or beyond. That's also a very likely explanation and one that I can deal with. I'm not afraid to educate someone on the benefits of extended breastfeeding if they have a desire to know!

But to those that ask the question with that tone that's slightly judgmental or that implies I've fallen off the deep end of the "crunchy granola" type, why do you feel the need to judge the choices Justin and I have made?  I hope I haven't made you feel judged by your choices, because that's exactly what it is, a personal choice.  If I have, then please accept my heartfelt apology. I'm not a better mother than you are, or will be, because I made this choice and commitment. I'm just a different mother and different is not bad.

Its even been suggested that I should force Brianna to wean at one year because she could start having cow's milk instead at that point. My reply ... she'll wean when she's ready to. THAT got all kinds of strange looks and comments about my parenting style / abilities!

*Deep Breath*

Yes, I talk about this topic but ultimately, its a very private topic and depending on my relationship with the person, not one that I care to discuss.  I don't like talking about this with co-workers and strangers!  Friends and family, maybe but really only on specific occasions.  Honestly, this post is one of the only times I've talked about it at length with anyone so that should be a good indication of just how much this question has been bothering me!

I treasure those precious minutes in a day when the whole world ceases to exist & I can focus completely on Bree. Often, its the only times of the day that I'm truly relaxed, at peace and content. Spending 10 hours a day away from her as I do, its one of the ways she and I stay connected.  As her first birthday approaches, I look back and realize that its been a hard choice to maintain but one that I would make all over again. A lot of the obstacles, I expected. This judgment / criticism / critique phenomena was one that I didn't. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: If you really want to ask questions about this topic, ask how its going or if there's anything that I need in terms of support.  Please, just don't ask "HOW much longer are you going to do this?".

Now that I've given this topic its due, its time to tuck it away and hope it never rears its ugly head again ... or at least not for a very long while.